Trying Softer: When Parenting Feels Like Too Much

I had planned to do a few things over the school holidays for Brilliant Little Gems—including creating a new resource and sending it out via email to the BLG community. But as life often does, it had other plans for me.

By the end of week one, there’d been a lot of dysregulation.
🙉 I felt overwhelmed.
⛈️ The pressure of trying to meet everyone’s needs was building.
🙋🏻‍♀️ My emotional capacity was running low on a day when one of my kids had particularly high needs.

After an epic meltdown (my little gem’s, not mine—though I wasn’t far behind!), I knew I couldn’t keep pushing through.

If you’d done the maths, the equation of my own cumulative stress + my child’s increased needs = a minus number. A minus number of spoons, patience, regulation—you get it.

Even with all the knowledge and experience I hold professionally about nervous systems, connection, and regulation, when my own system is dysregulated and my sense of self as a parent feels shaken, I’ve learned this:

🍃 Climbing out of that deep well on my own —where doubt, guilt, frustration, and fear hang out—is unlikely.

⭐️ And I no longer believe that I should be able to. Not anymore.

Getting Better at Asking for Help

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at asking for help sooner.

I used to wait. I’d tell myself I could handle it if I just tried harder. Maybe you’ve told yourself the same—that other people need support more than you, that it’s not “that bad”, that you just need to push through.

But here are the gems I’ve collected along the way—the ones I wish I'd had with me years before now:

💎 You don’t have to wait until it’s a crisis to deserve support.
💎 You don’t need to hit a breaking point to reach out.
💎 You’re allowed to be the one who knows things and still needs help.
💎 True regulation isn’t about trying harder—it’s about trying softer.

Trying softer is better for everyone.

You might be the resourceful one, the person others come to for advice, the one with a whole toolbox of strategies… and still find yourself struggling to regulate when it matters most. That’s not a failure. That’s just a nervous system doing its best in the face of stress and complexity—and maybe years of having to hold it all together on your own.

We’re human beings. We’re wired for connection. We’re not meant to do this alone.

I wonder...

What if you trusted that your well-being—your sense of self—wasn’t a luxury or an afterthought, but central to everything around you?

What if you could reach for support before things feel unmanageable?

Not because you’re failing, but because you matter too.

Want to take this further?

If you’re feeling stretched thin and know it’s time to take care of your own precious nervous system, my latest offering Shift Happens might be the next step. It’s a space to shift gently—with support, humour, and heart.

👉 [Find out more here]

To go more slowly.
To rest where possible.
To cosy up.
To say no if you feel a no.
To not push through.

You have permission to:

• Lean into screen use more

• Simplify your days

• Ask someone else to help or have your children, or enrol them in school holiday programs (if that’s possible)

• Put a movie (or three) on, get the popcorn, and bring out the doonas – maybe even make a cosy nest in the lounge

• Eat the easy food

For neurodivergent folk, our sensory environment plays a powerful role in supporting our nervous system – and, in turn, our overall well-being. Today’s newsletter is all about tending to your nervous system through your environment.

If you’ve been part of the Brilliant Little Gems community for a while, you’ll know how much I value the impact of environment on our well-being. While this perspective is deeply embedded in my practice as a social worker, it’s also something I’ve expanded on in both my work and my personal life – especially in relation to the physical, sensory, and functional elements of home.

Some of the things I’m doing to honour this season and my capacity:

• Using the slow cooker to throw things in late morning, to make evenings feel easier – and by the time dinner comes, it’s almost like someone else cooked us a meal.

• Using lamps for a cosy, relaxed vibe, and sometimes lighting a candle (out of reach of curious hands… that time my 7-year-old came to me with his hand covered in melted wax is a story for another day – he wasn’t hurt).

• Checking in with my body, noticing what I need to take care of myself: drinking more water, taking Vitamin C and Zinc, and eating more soups.

• Letting my kids have plenty of screen time on some days (they love Minecraft).

When we support our own nervous systems – through tending to our sensitive sensory systems – the benefits ripple through our family life.

If you could choose just one thing to do to support yourself this week, what would it be?