Trying Softer: When Parenting Feels Like Too Much
I had planned to do a few things over the school holidays for Brilliant Little Gems—including creating a new resource and sending it out via email to the BLG community. But as life often does, it had other plans for me.
By the end of week one, there’d been a lot of dysregulation.
I felt overwhelmed.
The pressure of trying to meet everyone’s needs was building.
My emotional capacity was running low on a day when one of my kids had particularly high needs.
After an epic meltdown (my little gem’s, not mine—though I wasn’t far behind!), I knew I couldn’t keep pushing through.
If you’d done the maths, the equation of my own cumulative stress + my child’s increased needs = a minus number. A minus number of spoons, patience, regulation—you get it.
Even with all the knowledge and experience I hold professionally about nervous systems, connection, and regulation, when my own system is dysregulated and my sense of self as a parent feels shaken, I’ve learned this:
Climbing out of that deep well on my own —where doubt, guilt, frustration, and fear hang out—is unlikely.
And I no longer believe that I should be able to. Not anymore.
Getting Better at Asking for Help
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at asking for help sooner.
I used to wait. I’d tell myself I could handle it if I just tried harder. Maybe you’ve told yourself the same—that other people need support more than you, that it’s not “that bad”, that you just need to push through.
But here are the gems I’ve collected along the way—the ones I wish I'd had with me years before now:
💎 You don’t have to wait until it’s a crisis to deserve support.
💎 You don’t need to hit a breaking point to reach out.
💎 You’re allowed to be the one who knows things and still needs help.
💎 True regulation isn’t about trying harder—it’s about trying softer.
Trying softer is better for everyone.
You might even be the resourceful one, the person others come to for advice, the one with a whole toolbox of strategies… and still find yourself struggling to regulate when it matters most. That’s not a failure. That’s just a nervous system doing its best in the face of stress and complexity—and maybe years of having to hold it all together on your own.
We’re human beings. We’re wired for connection. We’re not meant to do this alone.
I wonder...
What if you trusted that your well-being—your sense of self—wasn’t a luxury or an afterthought, but central to everything around you?
What if you could reach for support before things feel unmanageable?
Not because you’re failing, but because you matter too.
Want to take this further?
If you’re feeling stretched thin and know it’s time to take care of your own precious nervous system, my latest offering Shift Happens might be for you. It’s a space to shift gently—with support, humour and heart.
