You are already the cycle-breaker

I've been sitting with something lately... a lot of thoughts, really.

It relates to the hundreds of conversations I've had over the years with parents navigating this complex reality, and my own lived experience. I want to discuss the experience of raising neurodivergent children, whilst quietly recognising ourselves in what we're learning. There's a process of piecing together our own histories while also adjusting how we show up for our kids.

So much of what I hear, and what I carry too, is what it really feels like to parent and care for autistic and neurodivergent children while you're also carrying your own childhood, your own history, and all the things you're still unpacking as you go.

So many parents in our community are trying, very consciously, to do things differently. And that process of learning about neurodivergence, your child's and often your own, shifts things. Old memories land differently. Past hurts perhaps make a different kind of sense with a new lens applied. Sometimes there's no time to shift the lens, just a determination to 'do things differently. We're doing all of this while also trying to show up, every day, in a way that's more connected, more affirming, more aware.

We do all of this within systems that so often don't get it, and that can actively invisibilise our experience. That is exhausting.

That is a lot to hold.

What I really wish everyone knew.

The patterns we're working to change didn't appear overnight. They were built over generations — layer upon layer of survival, of people doing the best they could with what they had. Which means that you changing them is significant. Not just for your children. For what gets passed down beyond them.

And the work doesn't look like perfection. It looks like pausing. Repairing. Wondering, is there another way? It looks like recognising your own needs in real time — even when that feels impossibly tangled up with the needs of the children right in front of you.

It often feels and looks very imperfect. I bring in that P-word 'perfect' deliberately, because I know just how many of us have dealt with the insatiable beast, that is perfectionism.

It makes sense, perfectionism is often our brains' best attempts at protecting us. Unfortunately, it offers us little benefit in the often-times messy and vulnerable work of generational cycle breaking.

Your inner child wants to be seen and tended to. And the children in your life need your presence. Holding both of those truths at once, imperfectly, on hard days — that is the work.

You're here. You're trying. You're loving.

You are enough and you are doing the incredible work of breaking intergenerational cycles within your family.

A free resource — for you

I've created a free resource called You are brilliant, you are a cycle-breaker — and I made it because I wanted cycle-breaking parents to have something to come back to on the days when it feels like too much. 

It includes some gentle reminders about what you're actually doing (and the extraordinary context you're doing it in), a few things to hold onto when it feels overwhelming, and some affirmations to help ground you back into your own worth and capacity.

Because sometimes we just need someone to reflect back what we can't see ourselves, it's hard to see the forest for the trees when you're trying to find a path through.

You can download it here.

Are you a parent of a child with a PDA profile and seeking support with school? 🏫

I've developed PDA resources specifically for the classroom, including The Complete Toolkit for Supporting PDA at School.

I also offer facilitated PDA focus sessions via zoom to support teachers, allied health professionals and parents to have meaningful collaborative conversations and create neurodiversity affirming plans of support.

In addition, Supporting PDA with Confidence workshops for teachers and allied health professionals are also available.