From theory to second nature: understanding the PDA stress response

It’s interesting how shifting our attention changes what we notice.

Have you ever been in a training, or perhaps a 1:1 session, learned something new—and suddenly it felt like you were looking at things through a completely different lens? For a while, it’s all a bit “wow—has this really been here all along?” And then, over time, that fresh perspective becomes your new normal.

After recording the Making Sense of PDA: for parents, teachers and health professionals mini-masterclass, I noticed something about how my own experience has shifted over time.

The early days of learning

When I first discovered the PDA pyramid, it made sense in theory. But applying it in real life? That was another story.

At the start it felt more like:

• “Cool, this makes sense in theory.”

• “But how do I apply this when we’re hurtling towards panic at rocket speed?”

It was clunky. I’d be running through the pyramid in my head, trying to match strategies to the moment, often while everything felt like chaos.

And one part I often questioned (and through talking about with many parents and teachers about it, they experience similarly) was “withdrawal into fantasy.” I didn’t really see this in my child—or so I thought.

The LEGO rocket ah-ha moment

The day after recording the mini-masterclass, the PDA escalation pyramid was fresh in my mind. I was tidying up at the kitchen bench when my son came over to show me his latest LEGO build: a rocket with a little figure inside (the rocket driver?).

I saw my chance to check in about some difficulties he’d had at school the day before, hoping to gently prepare him for a better day.

Here’s how it went:

Him: “This is my rocket ship.”
Me: asks a question about yesterday’s experiences
Him: “I’m in here now.” (points to the LEGO figure in the rocket)
Me: tries again to ease into the conversation I think we need to have
Him: “I’m in here.” (again pointing inside the rocket)

And then—the lightbulb 💡

Ahhh, I get it. This is “withdrawal into fantasy” and “reduced meaningful conversation” on the PDA pyramid.

Me: “You’re in the rocket ship now.”

From thinking to sensing

In that moment, I shifted. Instead of pushing my agenda (to have that school conversation), I simply mirrored back what he had said, to acknowledge that I could see him, hear him and feel him.

What struck me was that I hadn’t consciously thought, “Okay, he’s here on the pyramid, so I should do this.” I just sensed it. I responded without running through the steps in my head.

That’s when I realised: what once felt awkward and hard to apply in the heat of the moment had become natural.

Why I’m sharing this

This is what I hope for you too—that with time, practice and some helpful conversations, responding to the little gem in front of you can feel less like theory and more like second nature.

Because what starts as clunky, awkward, and “I don’t know if I can do this” really can become almost effortless.

Would you like to learn more about the PDA nervous system? Click to access my free Making Sense of PDA mini-masterclass explaining the PDA Nervous System Pyramid. It helps to understand both what's happening internally and the correlating observable behaviours for our PDAers. This allows us to more confidently determine how to respond in each moment.